One of these friends of ours in the video could fart on
command and that always brought him many kudos in high school (surprisingly,
even from the girls). It was practically a phenomenon. Somehow…this kid had the
ability to actually suck up air into his own ass and then release it again at
will. They didn’t stink or anything but they didn’t have to! The comedic value
of flatulence will never lose its worth. And so, the video commenced.
They were in the bar/restaurant/lounge area and there was
this kid who could fart on command. And for only a second, while I was watching
on, I sort of wanted to believe that he’d of outgrown this talent. I sort
of wanted to believe that everyone else had to. But no.
Here he was on the television screen nonchalantly walking up
to lone Europeans standing by the bar with a beer in their hands and minding
their own business perfectly… And he would just stand there for a while with a
beer in his own hand and acting as if he was simply enjoying this beautiful
lodge, enjoying his travels, enjoying experiencing these new things and
environments… And he would stand there just long enough to be sure that the unsuspecting
European was perfectly at east before blasting a Rhinoceros’s worth of air
through his ass. And even that cheap, little microphone attached to that video
camera…even though the video was probably zoomed in all the way and was
actually being filmed from across the room…even it was able to pick up on the reverberations resonating from this
kid’s butt as they ripped through his pasty ass cheeks.
The kid’s ability to keep a straight face during this entire
act and the audacity to even attempt pulling off such a thing in the first
place may have been the only talents more astounding than the prank itself.
Basically, with half the bar now staring at him, he’d go on pretending like
nothing had happened despite the fact that those closest to him were probably
sure that he’d shit his pants and shit them good.
Then, up on the television screen, the clip would end but
instantly resume with another in that very same lodge at that very same bar
even! And here was our friend once again; stealthily stepping up to someone
standing alone. Someone looking really peaceful. And then…FRAK!
They roared with laughter as Tim and I watched on without
quite knowing what to say. I mean…I guess it was funny. The Europeans on the screen acted as if…well, as if they
didn’t know quite how to react. For
the most part, they tried to ignore him but some even took the initiative to
get up and walk away with looks of disdain on their faces. And some, it seemed,
even began to realize that this was all a stunt and that they were indeed being
video taped.
But I was glad to have seen this video as much as I was
jealous of these kids for having gone to Europe or anywhere overseas for that
matter. I knew my time would come though. I’d make it happen. And, when it did;
I also now knew that there was nothing I could possibly do while I was over
there (anywhere) to make anyone hate
Americans more than these kids had. It didn’t matter if I didn’t know the
language! It didn’t matter if I didn’t know the customs! It didn’t even matter
if I got drunk and passed out in the street. I’d be fine and I’d be respectful
as I could only because it was my nature. And all the anxieties I’d ever had
about traveling abroad dissipated just as soon as their ‘vacation video’ wound
itself out.
There is really no wonder why they hate us though. There was no doubt.